Journal

Dan Nelson

Still Crazy Wow Wow 01/29/2012
Crazy wow-wow life, part 2.

The joke, it seems, is on me.
Last time I wrote, I was laughing a little about the language difficulties from a few of my student-peers at the Academy of Art University. The school is international, and a few of the students are from all over; thus they can have troubles with English.

But, of course, architecture does still make my brain crazy-wow-wow.

Architecture school is going well; last semester was my first full-time semester, and I did OK. A, B+, and a B. I’m not used to less than an A (I have a Masters in Education from Azusa Pacific University, my undergrad is from College of Charleston in SC, and at last count I have 10 different schools that I have attended). So, earning B’s is tough on me, but I’m being stupid.

Some of my peers in class have an Architecture or Engineering undergrad degree. Simply put, they are more prepared than I am. Preparation matters; they have done the work that I haven’t done, they are better at a lot of this than I am, and so they score higher and earn higher grades. It’s tough to deal with, but ultimately it’s a good thing. My school doesn’t reward effort, it rewards the product. That’s good; very very good. Of course, tough good things aren’t always easy to endure.

Also, many of my peers are partially employed or unemployed. These folks (most younger than I am) have more time to develop their skills and their projects. Better scores here, too, for these folks. I’m working full time and chose to take a full load of grad school. It’s one thing to say it’s going to be a challenging semester, it’s another to get to the end of the semester. Tough. Working full time and going to school full time takes a lot of time; I didn’t realize just how much time it would take, and was guilty of not giving it enough time early in the semester.

Another wrinkle? The program isn’t really designed for people working full time. Or maybe that’s the on-line environment. Assignments are lost somewhere in the discussion; not every instructor is familiar with the material presented for their class (instructors don’t write their classes; the material is already prepared). One class in particular had a huge disconnect between what was presented (do this) and what was expected (why did you do this?). However, as one of the first (I think only) on-line Masters in Architecture programs, there are bound to be problems. So, we soldier on.

Is it still crazy wow-wow? Yep.
Spending my time reading/researching/creating is amazing. Distracting, even. It’s so easy to lose an hour or more reading or researching, or trying to get an application to bend the way I want it to.

I’m crazy when I’m trying to get the school work, the yearbook, and the journalism class work done before I start my grad school work. I’m crazy when I decided that, well, 1 AM on a Tuesday night is probably OK because I can get extra coffee at school the next morning. I’m crazy when I have to build a model and I stare down the xacto knife because I know it is plotting to cut deep into my hand.

But I’m also still wow-wow. Wow-wow when I’m reading up on architecture theory or reading the impact of the Pope’s decision to authorize the building of St. Peter’s Basilica that just might have led to the selling of indulgences and the rise of Martin Luther and Protestantism. I’m wow-wow about the big names building today, but more wow-wow (wowier?) about the little projects that are making little, profound changes in a neighborhood. These non-brand name architects aren’t reaching for the sky, but maybe standing firmly on the ground. I admire that.

Smart people talk about changing the world by changing yourself first. I hope that’s what I’m doing.

My Crazy Wow Wow Life 06/22/2011
My crazy wow wow life.

I’m 44 years old and I finally decided it’s time to start an architecture program.

I’ve been thinking about starting an architecture program for quite awhile. But getting started was the hard part. There are a million architects and the world, and I can’t quite figure out why I thought I should be the next one.

I’ve always, always wanted to study architecture. It’s a dream of mine; it has been for a really long time. I love the way buildings exist. The space that they take up; the way they control light, stopping some, starting others. The way people move through the buildings. The way people experience the shape that has been carved, crafted and created by the architect. It’s incredible. It’s so taken for granted, so expected, so ubiquitous, that people have no idea what they’re really experiencing as they move through your building. I love that idea.

Maybe alternately my love of architecture comes from my love of control. What I love the most about architecture is how you are manipulating people without them even knowing it.

Regardless, I started my architecture program, and at 44 with a fulltime job, I’m really not sure what I’ve gotten myself in to.

The last time I graduated from grad school was 2001. I graduated with a master’s degree in teaching. This allowed me to return to teaching- a job I love.

In the last semester of grad school I was 27 years old. I was young; younger. Now I’m old, or at least older than most of the students in my class. I should be used to that because I’m the oldest person in my classroom. I teach high school, and the kids stay the same age. Each year I seem to be only one getting older. I’ve made my peace with that. Or at least I tell myself I have.

So now I’m starting grad school again.

The program that I chose as an on-line program. The program is a masters in architecture. It’s great to take an all on-line program, because I don’t have to quit my day job to go back to school.

But there may be a reason why you’re supposed to quit your day job to go back to grad school. It turns out that going back to grad school takes a lot of time. Sure, everyone knows this, but I frequently have to be taught things that everyone else already knows.

So the Monday after graduation, I started my new class. The instructor posted a video of herself explaining that content of the class, her expectations, and while we should expect. We got to login, create a profile, and post a photo. These are simple things to do, but they triggered existential angst for me.

I looked at the other profiles, and realized that most of the students in the class are from all over the world. I appreciate learning about architecture with a global cohort group. There are students from China, and Africa, and Texas, and other crazy places.

Many of the students in the class are using English as a second language. Their English is a little rough around the edges. At first, I thought this gave me an advantage, but now I’m not so sure. Specifically, the students from China, I think, are at a particular advantage. Their word choice feels more like poetry than prose. I think the students have learned English through a combination of Rosetta Stone, facebook, and MTV’s Jersey Shore.

One of the first assignments for the class was a brief introduction; we each had to introduce ourselves and explain why we wanted to study architecture. My entry was bland, it was all about growing up the loving the built environment and my architect heroes. Standard stuff.

The Chinese students, however, brought new life to the assignment. Their phrasing and their vocabulary exploded on the screen. Where they might drop an article or use the wrong tense of the word, their entries were full of light and enthusiasm. My favorite entry was from a young woman in China who explained that when she thought about architecture, her brain went “crazy wow wow!”

What I had tried to say in 600 words she said in three. It’s true. When I think about architecture, when I’m lost in thought, and I’m thinking about pure form, or pure shape, or the intersection between light and solid wall and climate and culture and civilization, my brain goes crazy wow wow.

So am I entering my crazy wow wow years? Probably.

I don’t know what my crazy wow wow years will be like, and I think that’s what makes them the crazy wow wow years.

I have no idea what to expect; maybe I do. I expect to read, to study, to respond, to question, to stay up too late, to be distracted, to doodle in the margins, and to be disappointed both with myself and a program (any program) because it can’t be everything I want it to be. I expect to reach the end, look back, and be more than I am today. How much more, and in what direction, I have no idea.

One of the questions on the first assignment was, what part or type of architecture do you want to study? Many of the students had great answers. Someone from Africa responded that he wanted to help build sustainable villages on the edge of the Sahara desert. Many students had this type of perfect Miss America answer. Not me.

I answered honestly, “I have no idea”. I don’t know what part of architecture I want to study, I have no idea. If I knew exactly what type of architecture wanted to study, then I wouldn’t have to study architecture. Not formally anyway. If I knew that I wanted to know more about sustainability, then I would haunt the Internet and the bookstores and the magazine’s and I would learn more about sustainability. I have an obsessive personality when it comes to the research, there’s nothing I like more than spending hours, or days, or (let’s be honest) years, doing the research. The problem is I can only see as far as I can see. To understand architecture the way I want to, I need people who are smarter than me, more experienced, who have lived this life, to recommend what to read, what to see, what to draw, what to experience.

So, how on earth can I be expected to know what I want to study or what I want to do until the experience of the classes, the discussions, the input from the other students and instructors, have shaped me and directed me?

I realize I have thrown myself into a great unknowable experience. I don’t do well with unknowable. I’m old enough to appreciate the knowable. I don’t like surprises. I like structure and routine; I keep myself busy enough that the unexpected just gets in my way. I find that I have thrown myself into a very unexpected situation. I have an idea of what the classes will require; the time, the reading, the responding, and the sketches and studio work.

What I don’t know, though, and what I didn’t plan on, is the amount of crazy wow wow. I’m not taking this class, or starting this program, so that I can fit in what I learn into my current life. My plan is to rebuild my life. To do that, I’m going to have to look at its very foundations, its structures, its walls and windows, and decide what stays and what goes.

Remodeling your life at 44, is common and expected but still challenging. To do it right, I need to keep the good, replace the bad, and add the best new stuff. I feel unhinged, uncertain. I associate these feelings with feeling “crazy”. But I am also enthusiastic about the changes; I am also “wow wow."